A journey to the within

Rishikesh is a rather religious spot and I, being an agnostic, am always am unsure if I want to visit such a place every time I go there. The ride there is unending and it became more so because of the shortage of space in the car and the incessant burping, gossiping and frequent snoring. As we were nearing the ashram we were to stay in, the scenery became painful to look at. I say painful because of its striking resemblance to the Sahyadrian landscape. It hurts to even imagine returning to Sahyadri nearly a month early.  

After the aforementioned suffering, we headed to the ashram with the accompaniment of my grandmother forgetting her spectacles (which she eventually found in her purse), her precious water bottle and of course, her mobile. When we finally settled into a room, my cousins pulled out cards and dragged me to play with them. The first day ended in misery with people talking loudly in the dead of the night, commenting about how late it was.

Conveniently, the next morning was just as pleasant with all the women in the room managing to create the hugest ruckus, readying themselves for a bath in the river. Loud chanting and annoyed ranting is just the beginning of the day, I’d thought as I ran into the room where my father lay looking at the ceiling with his eyes wide open. It was 5:32 a.m. and I was not happy. When I awoke again at sevenish, I was handed a cup of tea and something to eat before I headed out for a walk outside with my father.

The walk, in contrast to the trip that far, was a respite and it helped me recover from the moodiness from the morning. On the way back, we met my aunt and mom on the streets, ready for another cup of tea still. The amount of tea (and ice-cream in the children’s case) consumed in this trip was unbelievable. Around noon, we, the children decided to bathe in the river accompanied by my aunt and mom.

The bath was refreshing once the freezing temperature was accustomed to. The water was way too clear for India and the flow was almost comforting. It was a great experience except when we had to wear clothes with nearly nothing to cover us. But I think the best and the most moving experience in this whole trip came in the evening, during the Ganga Aarti.

Now I am fairly impatient and I dislike sitting through havans and having to chuck weird, chunky particles (which, by the way, gets stuck in your nails) at the  fire, contributing to global warming.  I disliked it this time, too, until when the actual Aarti was about to begin and these two people clad in saffron entered the area. I had seen them earlier and today was no different, I felt the same curiosity, fascination and a little apathy I feel when I see such, you know, devout people. What made it different was the speech the woman made.

 My first impression when she started talking was that she was rather enthusiastic for someone who does this same ritual every single day and as she continued talking, I found myself more and more interested. Now, this wasn’t about god or religion for me because I’m unsure what I feel about those things but this was more about self-reflection and discovery. I don’t recall her words very clearly anymore (though it has hardly been a week since the trip) but she said that the aarti is a symbol of the love and hope inside us that we offer as light and this light is within us. I found that very intriguing because I’ve never understood concepts of aarti and such, but she made some sense.

It is worth mentioning that the woman was American (and a Stanford graduate, too) and throughout her speech, I couldn’t help but feel amused that someone would give up their life in America to live in India of all places. She said a lot of things but I remember most clearly her telling everyone to offer the light within themselves, though to whom I’m not sure. While her description was very solemn and sober, the actual act of the aarti was chaotic and it left me feeling greatly annoyed. After numerous shoves and continuous nudging, we headed to the satsang that the woman had mentioned in her speech.

I went to the satsang though I usually literally flinch away from the word but since she mentioned that it would be in English (which I find easier to comprehend), I thought would try it out. In the duration of about forty-five minutes the woman answered three questions and she mentioned something about how we’re nearly never living in the moment, which I think is so true. One of her sentences was as if crafted for me, along the lines of “We’re so eager to leave high school, and to get into college”. She also made us to some guided breathing which was as futile as it always has been for me but I did enjoy trying it.

As a whole, those few hours starting from when I saw the woman, were strange and in some ways they inspired me. In what specific ways, I’m unsure, but it made me aware about some of my habits such as that of constant phone-checking and lost passions like reading. Though I’m probably not going to spend the rest of my life in an ashram like her, I do want to find my own version of it, my own way of offering light to the universe in general, to thank creation as the woman had mentioned. Ergo, the trip to Rishikesh which started as a complete mess, ended with the beginning of a bigger journey for me.